how do u go by when all your hopes are but spent...when every day you sense the failing is near by..when you know that the journey is hopeless, all efforts are in vain...purpose is lost and there is  no light ahead..the world  mocks your doings consistently......i wonder how do you??
   Yet i witness it every day in my ward..a middle aged couple from smll village of patna with a smll 3 n half mnth baby in hospital nw for three months..FT/AGA/nw withSEPTICEMIA with VENTRICULITIS ..MRI head showing multiple abscesses in frontal and temporal lobe...on iv abx 10 wks..intravent genta for 4 wks nw... poor prognosis...likely to have multiple residual effects if survives. Their two other children r left in village for three months now ..they have spent almost all of there lifetimes earnings..living life arnd a smll hospital bed of their baby..resisting the menace of shouting irritated staff nurses ..their life goes on.  Parents r aware about the chances...but still even after multiple prognostications i see the hope in mothers eyes never fades..her will seems stronger everyday..n i wonder what really gives her strength.. how can she be so resolute when she sees clearly the reality...what drives her life when there are no joys left..how does she cope up!!! is it because she is under some delusion that it is just a bad dream and they will come out of it unscathed..untouched... or its because she thinks it is her fate and she is bound to it no matter what it takes she has to follow it..no matter what it is.. it reminds me every day that ' Hope springs are eternal in human heart and no evil cn touch them' no matter how dark it is tonight the dawn will always break in..there always will be light in the end..after all what we go through now and then  somehow everything will come to an end ...

hope....

a ten year old boy frm lower midl cls..in hospital fr more dan 2 mnths nw..fuc of orbital cellulitis with temporal lobe abcess..nw  with persistent fever.. bma reported few atypicl cells ..biopsy was dne fr frder diagnosis..its been 5 days since n final report hs nt cm yet.pathologist says "provisional  AML....oh no no its reactive nt d tumor... oh wait cnt b figured out nw, let us stain fr tumor markers den only we'l tell u d final report...it still  cn b AML" ...days goes by n i see d lil kid in diff light every day..smtimes with pain , hpelessness...den with joy..agn cnfusion.. n irrespective of wats happening arnd i find him just d same everyday..smiles d same way wen i go fr daily notes..turns his head in shy manner wen i say hello..n cries sheepishly wen i put ivs n take out samples..he doesnt seem to care wen all d docs surround him during rounds n discuss abt his future..its lyk wat he is n what he wil be go on parallel n i cnt cnnect d lines..cnt put dem toghether....  final report will cme tdy ..m really praying  dat our dear pahologists provisional report was messd up..my consultants anticipation ws rubbish n it ws nthing bt reactive pathology n d boy wil go hme afta  1 mre week f iv antibiotics and wil nt  bear d lyf lng burdn of cancer :))